i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
