after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
