Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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