Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
