I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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