here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
