3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You are the jesus of drinking
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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