Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
