proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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