Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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