hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
