my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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