Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
