note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
