I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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