I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Pants are for mortals
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
