if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
