I looked at my own cervix.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
