Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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