Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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