the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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