I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
