Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
