Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
