He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
