2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
