I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
