Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
40s are totally the cure
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