so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
