So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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