Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's shark week go big or go home
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
