So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
