I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
