Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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