Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
