so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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