Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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