I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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