She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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