Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
