You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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