Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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