You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
