i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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