so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
