GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
