dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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