spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My bed smells like the plague
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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