just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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