My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
