FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
