I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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