i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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