We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
