I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm passing your future prison.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
